I never met an evangelical…

By Paul

14 Jan 2009

[Here's my caveat I locate myself in the evangelical tradition and even more so in what follows, tongue firmly in cheek]…

I never met an evangelical who…

…reads the bible enough
…prays enough
…spends long enough having a quiet times
…or feels they have enought QT’s anyway
…isn’t always quick to confess these slacker bible and prayer faults
…isn’t reassured that they are not alone as a series of confessions follow each one revealing greater and deeper bible ignorance and prayer absence
…hears from God enough
…isn’t a secret fan of quiche
…feels slightly uncomfortable when forced to dutifullly say some response like ‘Amen’ outloud in church
…doesn’t view the tamborine with distinct suspicion
…doesn’t love a good meaty bible sermon
…can’t do realistic & convincing impressions of guilt, shame, and moral outrage!

[ok evangelicals out there - anything more you want to confess]

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  1. Comment by Matt Rees

    6.56 pm on 14 Jan 2009

    I know this is meant to be tongue in cheek but I can’t help finding this quite sad and poignant (especially the first half of the list) and it quite neatly sums up much of my frustration with evangelical spirituality (and why I feel I have had to move on from it or at least supplement it) – the real spiritual life always seems to be just around the corner, just out of reach.

    1. Comment by Paul

      8.23 am on 16 Jan 2009

      Thanks for sharing Matt, ah faith suplements, sounds like good vitamins :)

  2. Comment by Jonathan Blundell

    7.39 pm on 14 Jan 2009

    On a similar topic… i was thinking the other day “I’ve never met a Calvanist who didn’t believe THEY were going to heaven.”

    1. Comment by Paul

      8.23 am on 16 Jan 2009

      Thanks Jonathan, I hear it’sa big place ;)

  3. Comment by Duncan

    7.40 pm on 14 Jan 2009

    From my own experience…
    - doesn’t like to pray using bible verses as part of the prayer
    - doesn’t name their kids after people in the bible…
    - is keen to go wider rather than deeper

  4. Comment by Marc

    3.49 pm on 15 Jan 2009

    -isnt actually an evangelical…

    1. Comment by Paul

      8.24 am on 16 Jan 2009

      lol, did you miss the inquisition again Marc??? ;)

  5. Comment by alan mann

    7.13 pm on 15 Jan 2009

    I didn’t now evangelicals did confession :)

    1. Comment by Paul

      8.25 am on 16 Jan 2009

      it’s more a shared grp denial ;)

  6. Comment by alan mann

    7.15 pm on 15 Jan 2009

    Ooops! let’s try that again.

    I didn’t know evangelicals did confession :)

  7. Comment by Jason

    8.57 am on 16 Jan 2009

    I’ve never met an evangelical auditor who didn’t check other christians numbers in public ;-)

    1. Comment by Paul

      8.27 am on 21 Jan 2009

      you know its the numbers that count!!

  8. Trackback by Cippenham Baptist Church

    11.09 am on 16 Jan 2009

    The Real Spiritual Life…

    Click to continue reading “”
    ……

  9. Comment by Randy Siever

    10.06 pm on 17 Feb 2009

    How about these? I’ve never met an evangelical who…

    –didn’t believe that ending a prayer with “in Jesus’ name” was the sign of a true Christian (and the key to getting what you ask for from God).

    –didn’t exaggerate how big their church was (with the possible exception of the late Mike Yaconelli, who infamously claimed he pastored the slowest growing church in America).

    –didn’t feel personally responsible for keeping others out of hell…and simultaneously enormously guilty for not doing much about it.

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