101 Things to do before you leave church…
31 Mar 2009
My wife inspired by the a review of this book, 101 Things To Do Before You Diet, suggested I use a variation of this for a book title, 101 Things To Do Before You Leave Church. I like that idea and title, and have started working an outline for it 
The idea of the diet book, is that 1) diets don’t work 2) There are lots of other healthy things to do before you try dieting.
So in that spirit, I thought I’d ask you, for suggestions, and see how many we can get towards 101.
(The rules for posting are, that they must be constructive comments about things you can do before leaving church, that might make a difference. This is not a chance to comment about why you left church or want to leave church, and is not a judgment statement about people who have left church, is not a naive belief in church, or a power play to maintain church. If you have anxieties about the nature and purpose of church and what is church, post them under other places on this blog. With all those caveats, make sure your comments follows the format below).
In amongst all blue-print, idealism about church, what are the small, ordinary and yet revolutionary changes, that could transform church, before we might leave it?
I’ll start with one:
‘Be the change the want to see in the church: Before you leave because the church doesn’t do what you think it should do and be, you try and be that change first, and invite others into that, and see what happens.’
Tagged: church
26 comments
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Comment by Alan Knox
3.28 pm on 31 Mar 2009
Build relationships with the people in the church: if you plan to leave “church” in order to have relationships, why not start with the relationships you already have?
-Alan
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Comment by Alan Mann
3.33 pm on 31 Mar 2009
I hope you are serious Jason, that is a book crying out to be written.
Here’s a couple (which I hope come under the parameters)
Remember why you originally went to church in the first place.
Think about the people who are no longer around and how much you miss them.
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Comment by Stuart Burns
5.09 pm on 31 Mar 2009
Take Bread, Drink Wine, in a sacred space and reconnect with all those who have journeyed before, and all who have asked questions you have never even thought of.
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Comment by Karen Blakeley
8.09 pm on 31 Mar 2009
Fulfil unmet needs by connecting with other Christians outside of your main church. Set up a Christian book club or a study group or attend a retreat centre or even interact with other Christians online
Once you have met these needs, you may feel more energised to contribute to your local church.
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Comment by Kate
8.21 pm on 31 Mar 2009
Talk to the pastor/s or other leaders in the church about the problems you see or are experiencing. It will open up dialog about what you see and what they see/know. They may have no idea that people were experiencing what you are, but also, you may not have been aware of some developments within the church that the leader can explain to you.
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Comment by Sharon Hawthorne
11.20 pm on 18 Apr 2009
I like this idea – it’s so reasonable, but in my experience I am not sure how open many Pastors are to this! A friend who returned from missionary work to the UK for a break commented on how it struck him that all the church leaders he met thought things were going really well but most of the people that attended those same churches felt extremely frustrated. I seem to be meeting a lot of people now in their 30’s-40’s who no longer belong to a local church and rarely attend Sunday services but have not lost their faith and I could easily be one of them but I do still believe in the idea of the ‘church’. I would love to sit down and talk about these things with Church leaders but don’t know how to do it in a way that would be perceived as ‘constructive’ so I push all my frustrations down, struggle through Sunday morning till we get to the coffee. I actually go to church for the ‘coffee’ because that’s the time I connect with other Christians. I just don’t think many church leaders are really that open to discussing what’s wrong.
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Comment by Rodney Olsen
11.04 pm on 31 Mar 2009
Look around to see who in the church needs you to minister to them.
Many people leave church because they’re not having their needs met. That’s not what it’s all about. We’re there to serve each other.
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Comment by Andrew Sillis
11.29 am on 1 Apr 2009
How about praying in the style of ‘The Clash’…
“Should I stay or should I go?”
Only wait to make sure you get God’s answer
rather than simply listening to all the selfish voices in your head
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Comment by Paul
6.57 pm on 1 Apr 2009
make love on the back row
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Comment by Peter Carino
9.38 pm on 1 Apr 2009
1) Actually sit down with the people with whom you have a problem and work it out.
2) Stop gossiping about it.
3) Start serving and giving yourself away
4) Pray – no really, pray
5) Look for where God is in this situation
6) Ask yourself how often you’ve left situation (e.g. churches, jobs, relationships) that didn’t seem to be what you wanted them to be: maybe you are the common denominator.
7) Open your life up to others – connected people rarely leave
That’s all I’ve got for now.
Peter
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Comment by jason smith
11.43 pm on 1 Apr 2009
Ask a series of questions centered around this one question:
Is this about me?
The answer is no, so if I sense the answer is yes:
What is God asking of me?
One central thing God asks is:
Will you die?
Death to self is required. It usually changes perspective.
It is why Jesus died. That is to make it possible for me to participate in his suffering, and die to self, so that I might live in Christ.
BTW, I am guilty of making it about me. We all are. The quicker we kill it, the quicker we live in the resurrection.
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Comment by Hilary Jardine
10.00 am on 2 Apr 2009
remember that (in the words of Rick Warren – Purpose Driven Life)it’s not about you, but about God. Ask yourself not “What do I want?”, but “What does God want?”.
If you’re really going to leave the church, but not your faith, make sure you sort out some kind of support network, and be a pal, talk to your pastor about your reasons for leaving – it may help change things at church for others.
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Comment by Bryan Kim
9.00 pm on 2 Apr 2009
Remind yourself that this is the perfect chance/place to practice what’s been preached by Jesus, the Head of the Church.
Whatever you disliked, was hurt by, offended by is the very platform given for you to practice “love”.
Remembering that if everything and everyone was lovable than you would never have a chance to love.
Love can be best experienced when dislikes and offenses are present. And love is often best expressed through forgiveness and reconciliation.
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Comment by Ross Reeves
6.52 am on 3 Apr 2009
…be that missional voice. Let others know that they are the Priesthood; they are the Church, not the building.
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Comment by matybigfro
12.01 pm on 3 Apr 2009
throw a leaving party and invite everyone
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Comment by James Prescott
1.33 pm on 3 Apr 2009
1)Pray.
2)Listen to God – not your feelings, God.
3)Talk to people about what your issue is, including the pastor.
4)Don’t rush out.
5)Try to see the good
6)Think deeply about it. The consequences, where you’d go, what God wants, what’s best for your journey.
I’m sure I’ll think of more, but there are these for now.
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Comment by Vern Sanders
2.47 am on 4 Apr 2009
It sounds hokey, but remember that one person’s trash is another one’s treasure. Church is not just about “me,” and being tolerant enough to accept that someone is reached in a different way than you means a community of things/ideas in common not one of “my way or the highway.” Look/talk deeper with people before you choose to leave based upon first impressions. (I seem to be a bit inarticulate here…sorry…hope you understand what I’m trying to say.)
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Pingback by You are what you read « dotdotdotblog
2.47 am on 4 Apr 2009
[...] I needed to get the url to post on fb, and, got my list for the day. Jason’s post on 101 Things to Do Before You Leave Church. Great post, and great comments. In fact…I think I’ll go post a comment right [...]
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Comment by Jo-Ann
9.29 am on 6 Apr 2009
Don’t assume you are the only one who feels this way. There are probably many others with similar feelings. Try to find others like you and share your experiences.
Give yourself a “detox” holiday from church but tell yourself that you will come back from your holiday to continue to work at it.
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Comment by Jenny
10.23 am on 6 Apr 2009
Remember that people in Paul’s day must have struggled with church. Lots of them were slaves; they had very little time to get involved. Many came from pagan backgrounds, and the churches were very mixed racially, so there must have been culture clashes. There was persecution outside, false teaching and power struggles inside. Yet it must have been worth it for Paul to keep writing such concerned, loving letters to them from prison.
Also, we’re in church to help one another become more like Jesus. How are you doing on that score?
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Comment by margaret johnson
8.29 am on 7 Apr 2009
find a neglected corner of the church and transform it; cleaning polishing, decluttering (yes there is…eevry church has one). make it beautiful and keep it beautiful for a month without asking anyone to notice what you are doing.
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Comment by Sarah Packwood
11.43 am on 19 Apr 2009
Hi Jason and everyone,
Greetings from Congo! Your ideas are really inspiring to me. I consider myself to be a follower of Jesus but I am indeed one of those 30-40 somethings who does not go to a ‘church’. I suppose I kind of dropped out of mainstream church 4 or 5 years ago.
However coming to a conflict zone here in N Kivu, I find God moving in mysterious ways…he is connecting me with my fellow brothers and sisters from different nations in the organisation I work for, our partner organisations and local people. We have and continue to have amazing theological discussions and encourage one another and support one another in our gifts.
This reminds me of one simple truth….that church is a movement of people belonging to God and although we might think that we can/have/or might leave church…this isn’t the case. We are all connected. We cannot leave the body of Christ.
Shalom and blessings to all
Sarah
PS I work for HelpAge International and if you’d like to know what we are up to here in Goma, N Kivu please go to http://www.helpage.org and check out our Goma page
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Comment by Cindy Colby
1.48 pm on 21 Apr 2009
Get plugged in and then don’t have any expectations. We are humans after all. However, I believe that if you have a servants heart (for the lost & your church family) you will come to love them.
So I guess I would say, “Love them as you would love yourself”. You won’t want to leave if you keep this commandment. Families have issues but in midst of the problems they still love one another.
This blog has been insightful and many great ideas…continue to pray.
Blessings from New England.
Cindy
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Comment by Daveen Wilson
11.46 am on 27 Apr 2009
1) Make a commitment to invite someone from church to a meal in your home every week for a year.
2) Ask the leaders how you could help and then be humble enough to try doing that thing, even if it’s not what YOU would have chosen.
3) Study Ephesians and understand that you cannot love Jesus if you don’t love his body. Jesus died for the church – he loves it, so how could you leave it?
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Comment by matybigfro
9.53 pm on 3 Jul 2009
i wonder how many of these comments we would still advised to someone who identifies as homosexual who was in a church that preached that homosexuality is a deformity and sub-human practice
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or a person of dual ethnic heritage in a church that taught that all races should remain separate and that the whites are a superior race
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It just feels to me that sometimes we loose sight that churches have and continue to be places of abuse for some people and leaving is the way they survive
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Comment by Paula
11.18 pm on 3 Jul 2009
Quit caring whether everybody else is doing what you think they should be doing, or not doing what you think they should not be doing…and do what God tells you to.
I am guilty of this, I am so full of ideals and dreams for church that I often feel hopeless when I look around at the apathetic sleepwalking brothers and sisters I am surrounded with. But rather than focus on them, I should be focusing on Jesus and doing what he tells me to, even if it looks goofy and nobody understands it, even if I’m labelled “that girl who does the weird things”…surely the light of Jesus shining from me will be a beacon to other hungry sad people in my church body.
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